Getting Started: How to Deal with Homework Inertia and Avoidance (Pt. 4)
The final post in this series: how can you help your student build a door in the "wall of awful"?
We’ve learned a lot so far…
We’ve talked about how kids (and adults, for that matter) frequently find themselves in a position where they’re staring down what comes to feel like a “wall of awful”—a cascading series of obligations that feels impossible to even begin to approach. So, unfortunately, they don’t—or they approach it with anger.
In the last post of this series, we talked about a better way: we can help our kids “climb” the wall—or “get over it” (in a much more mindful sense) by actively promoting awareness of the wall: awareness that it even exists in the first place can help us move on to the next stage, which is habitual mindfulness. Mindfulness can take place through many small changes in everyday habits and mindsets, but the most important takeaway is that mindfulness is not some esoteric or untouchable way of being; it is simply a way of thinking and moving in the world that empowers us to be grounded in the present moment. This is fantastic for procrastinators and students who utilize avoidance as a coping mechanism—it teaches them to recognize the present moment as the only source of power available to them, and to see that as a good thing, not a dispiriting thing.
What’s all this about “building a door,” then?
According to How to ADHD, the other way to help your kid approach the wall of awful is to help them build a door to get through it—in other words, to mindfully change their emotional state.
How?
There are a few different ways:
Music is an age-old tool for galvanization and mood improvement. Some parents are concerned about their kids using headphones while studying or working, but if you’re concerned about making sure that they’re staying on task, you can always attach their AirPods to your device to make sure they’re staying on task. Some students find that having headphones in really helps them stay focused, so it might be worth the gamble, either way. You could also always have them play their music out loud on speakers you can hear.
Change their environment. Let them take breaks. Go for walks. This is extremely important. Even when under time constraints, it’s an incredibly important piece of this whole puzzle that kids feel empowered to take a breather when they need one. Sometimes, that can even be in the form of just working or studying in a different place. The same way we adults sometimes like to head over to Starbucks rather than working from our desk at home or in the office? Kids are the same way—their desks at school or home can gain all types of associations that can become frustrating and even stultifying. Whether you need to accompany them or not, allow your kids a little freedom to change up their environment while they work. It can make a huge difference.
The Big Takeaway
In the end, what it comes down to is this: kids are really a lot like us, guys. It wasn’t that long ago that we felt the same way as they did about a lot of these things. We just learned a lot of (often maladaptive) coping mechanisms to get us through them. But, ideally, we want our kids and students to find better, easier, happier, healthier ways to approach the walls of awful when they inevitably arise in front of them.
Whether it’s “climbing” the wall or “building a door” through it, self-compassion is the ultimate goal. Teach your kids to love themselves, to have compassion for themselves, and to seek help when they need it. And then, crucially, have space for them to be “annoying” or “difficult” at times—sometimes, they will need you to be accepting when you might otherwise revert to bribing, cajoling, or bullying (even if that’s not your intention).
There is a better way. This is just a start, but it’s a good start.
There’s much more where this came from. The next topic will be a little less abstract as I return to AP History tips. Tune in tomorrow! And please don’t forget to subscribe, comment & share.