Getting Started: How to Deal with Homework Inertia and Avoidance (Pt. 3)
What are the healthier ways we can help our students break down the “wall of awful”?
Recap: What’s wrong with smashing through the wall? Isn’t it better than just staring at it?
Last time, we talked about how some students approach the wall in a harmful way—they deal with their overwhelming feelings of fear, failure, disappointment, frustration, and panic by lashing out at themselves and/or others. Though this method sometimes works in the short term, it doesn’t work at all in the long run. It leads to broken relationships and poor coping mechanisms. So, as tempted as parents and teachers may be to pat kids on the back when they “finally” get things done through being “tough” on themselves, it’s important to make sure that they’re not being too tough. That’s where we come in—to teach them compassion and kindness to themselves.
Well, then, what does it mean to “climb” the wall?
To “climb the wall” means to, really, “get over it.” This means that we need to take responsibility to help our kids and students:
(1) Become aware of the wall. Awareness is the first step towards change. Most teenagers, regardless of their learning difference status, are entirely unaware of the fact that they are bumping up against “the wall”—and the truth is that we all do from time to time. Once they are aware of this barrier, they can learn to depersonalize what they have come to see as a repeating series of failures in the face of challenges. Instead, they will recognize “the wall” for what it is: a trick their mind is playing on them.
(2) Remain mindful of the wall. As parents and teachers, it is also our role to then guide students to talk about their struggles with procrastination and avoidance—to us, and to their friends, yes, but also to educational therapists or psychologists, as well, if that’s an option. I have seen nothing but excellent outcomes for my students who begin therapy as teenagers and especially those who have sought therapy specifically for procrastination or other school-anxiety-related issues. These concerns always run deeper than they may appear, and talking them out can bring them into the light of awareness and solve the problem before it takes deeper root.
If you and your kids are comfortable, it may be a good idea to introduce a meditation practice, as well. This doesn’t have to be hours a day in a dark room with eyes closed—quite the opposite, really. Meditation is truly about mindfulness in every moment, regardless of one’s surroundings. That means that we learn to be aware and present of our thoughts and our feelings—good and bad, helpful and not-so-helpful—no matter what they may be, and no matter where we are.
To begin with: it can be as simple as taking thirty seconds to ask your kid to tell you one thing they see, one thing they smell, one thing they hear, one thing they taste (a piece of chewing gum can be used to help if they get sassy about this one), and one thing they feel. This helps ground us in the moment, and center us in what is actually happening.
Why is this important for a procrastinator?
You may be thinking, “Where did meditation come into all of this? What does this have to do with homework avoidance and procrastination?”
In a word—everything.
Procrastination is all about being unable to make use of the present moment for fear of what the future may be bring—all because of mistakes that can’t be erased from the past.
Mindfulness allows us to make space for the present moment—to forget what we can’t change about the past, and to stop obsessing about a future that isn’t here yet (but for which we can still hold out hope, if we make good use of the moment we have in our hands!)
Small moments of mindfulness like the five-senses meditation I described above may not seem like much right now, but in time, these practices will build to a larger sense of presence and rootedness in the here and now that will help your kid eliminate procrastination as a coping mechanism. It will no longer have the allure it once held. They will be able to see through it, and they will choose better for themselves.
Next time…
In the last installment in this series, we will discuss how to “build a door” in the wall. Look out for it in your inbox tomorrow. Thanks for reading—please like, comment, and share with anyone you think will benefit. You’re much appreciated!
Thanks again to How to ADHD!