Getting Started: How to Deal with Homework Inertia and Avoidance (Pt. 1)
What to do when your kid can't EVEN...
I know I say this a lot, but for this topic, I feel like I need to say it right now—you are NOT alone. Homework avoidance is REAL, and it is COMMON.
I think if I had to pick one thing I hear from parents more than anything else, it’s something like this: “My kid is so smart, but she just gets stuck,” or “He really likes the class, but when it comes to sitting down and writing, he just can’t bring himself to do it,” or “How is it possible that we have these amazing conversations about what goes on in her classes, but I had a parent-teacher conference today and found out she’s a month behind in homework?”
There can be many, many reasons why kids get stuck with homework. I have to say upfront that a few of those reasons are not diagnosable by me as a tutor and coach, and if you feel that your student may have a learning difference, it’s always a good idea to go to a professional who can get them the additional resources they may need.
However, with or without learning differences, the core issue is often the same: students (and, for that matter, adults) avoid doing things they have to do because the thought of getting started is intimidating. It’s not so much that they feel like they can’t do it. It’s not that they lack total confidence in their ability to perform. It’s that they see the starting line specifically as a big, scary obstacle.
I heard it described fantastically well once on a YouTube channel for ADHD brains called “How to ADHD.” (I cannot recommend this channel highly enough—again, whether or not your child has a learning difference, there is much to be learned from the work these people do!) In the video “Why is it so hard to do something that should be easy?” the narrator refers to a mental block she calls the “wall of awful.”
She goes on to describe this “wall of awful” as a steadily-accumulating sense of doom that tends to self-perpetuate and self-fulfill. Unfortunately, for people with learning differences (but/and/or also people who are simply teenagers), the “wall” of things they know they have to do but are not doing becomes conflated with their sense of self-worth. See the image below.
There are many ways that people deal with their “walls,” and unfortunately, not all of them are healthy, even if they work.
As educators and as parents, our role as we work with students is to recognize the “wall of awful” when we see it—and not build more on top of it.
More to come soon. Don’t miss it!